I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
