I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Randomize
