So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
