Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
