i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
