She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
