Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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