Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
