so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
