If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
