Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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