I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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