Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
the day after is always just damage control
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
