why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
