I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
