Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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