Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
