Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
