I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
