I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
