Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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