I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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