Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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