So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
