did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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