I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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