rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
