Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
