i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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