I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Randomize
