You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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