when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
