i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
