those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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