i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
