I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
