I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
