Just mADE A PArabola og urine
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He did a backflip because drugs
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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