you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
PANTIES FOUND
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