I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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