Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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