there's paper in my vomit.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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