I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
