Where is the hickey?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
