it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
