She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
why do cheetos always look like penises
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
