wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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