Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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