dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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