Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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