I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
