my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
