i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
