She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
