Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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