Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
