is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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