i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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